


Let Them (Oikawa) Eat Cake

by Musixx



Series: Haikyuu and the Need for Cake [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musixx/pseuds/Musixx
Summary: not a crack fic.“Oikawa needs the cake and he will finally get it one way or another”- my voice of reason"Oikawa's flat ass is starting to get to him, and Iwa-chan is no help. One faithful volleyball camp he finally finds the ass he deserves."- the one who deleted me from our group chat so I lost all of this writing and my voice of reason had to go back and copy it all for me.This all started when a friend dissed Kuroo.... her favorite is Bokuto and we had to get her back somehow so I pulled out all the stops......I cried writing thisNot edited because and I quote "the typos add so much to it." I'm so sorry Ennoshita. I didn't mean to do you dirty
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: Haikyuu and the Need for Cake [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840600
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	Let Them (Oikawa) Eat Cake

"Iwa-chan~" Oikawa calls from across the court.

"what do u want shittykawa" Iwazumi replies. "we're practicing, shut up."

"Do you love me?" Oikawa asks.

"no, you aint got no cake. How could i tap that ass?" Iwazumi replies, appalled that oikawa would even ask. Oikawa starts crying until he gets an idea.

*two weeks later at volleyball camp*

"BOKUTO-CHAN~~~"-Oikawa yells. Bokuto is the perfect person to help him in his plan.

"the fuck u wantflatass?" Bokuto replies. Oikawa starts breathing in and all of a sudden bokuto flies into his mouth and oikawa starts eating him. Akaashi looks overto where Bokuto just stood.   
"thanks Oikawa!!" he says, as Oikawas ass starts morhpinh bigger.

Hinata and the rest of Karasuno walk into the gym. Hinata runs up to where Oikawa and Akaashi stand. "Wheres Bokuto?? I wanna show him a new spike i learned!! I make the ball FWOOOSH ZOOM!!!!"

"You just missed it. Oikawa ate him. Good fucking riddance," Kuroo says, walking up to the group.

"Oikawa did WHAT????" Daichi exclaims, overhearring the convo.

Tadashi and Tsukki stand nearby. Tsukishima starts to rejoice when Tadashi runs to Hinata to drag him away, because Hinata was about to burst out crying.

Tadashi pulls Hinata past Kenma but Kenma calls out

"Hinata..... did you just..... PeE YOURSELF???"

"hINATA NOOOO THATS WHAT THE BATHROOM IS FORR!!!! WED TALKED ABOUT THIS! I EVEN TAUGHT YOU THAT SONG SO YOUD REMEMBER!!!" Tadashi yells, as Hinata collapses to the floor passing out. Tadashi drags Hinata's dead body weight to the nearest bathroom to get him cleaned up.

"Ok so nOT ONMLY DID OIKAWA INHALE BOKUTO, HINATA PISSED HIMSELF??? wHAT THE FUCK??" Tanaka yells. "

"I have it on film too" Kenma says calmly a few feet away, playing animal crossing new horizons on his switch. He wascurrently locking a villager in their house with iron bars because he hates that villager.

"THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY BREAK THEIR SPIRITS!!!!!!! hehehehehehe" Tendou laughs maniacally. Hes happy that the speedy duo is out of commision and that Fukorodanisisds ace is deceased.

"He shouldve come to Shiratorizawa. Then he wouldnt have had to eat Bokuto got cake" Ushijima says.

"F-f-fuCK YOU!!" Oikawa screeems. He hides behind Iwazumi, who is now flustered by Oikawas huge ass.

"D-d-dd-dummy Oikawa!!! Were playing volleyball u cant just get hot all of a sudden!!" Iwazumi flushes and covers his face with his hands

Nishinoya isnt aware any of this happens, as he is outside flirting with all the female managers of the teams. He hears commotion but does not care because he might finally get that pussy.

Nishinoya, excited starts to go into the gym to tell Tanaka his exciting news when GASP!!! He sees Iwaizumi and Oikawa making out in a corner with a distressed Tanaka, Daichi, and Sugawara standing in the middle of the room

"The fUCK IS HAPPENING??22??2?2" Nishinoya exclaims.

"Oikawa was simping for Iwazumi so he ate Bokuto to steal his cake and Hinata pissed himself and now Oikawa and Iwazumi are making out and i just aged 50 years and Kenma recorded the whole thing" Sugawara says exasperatedly.

Nishinoya jumps 5 feet in the air and yells "YAY!!! NOW I CAN SAY HEY HEY HEEYYYY!!!"

He turns to Kenma and goes "May I please see that??? It would make my YEAR BETTER"

At this point, Oikawa and Iwazumi have left and gone to the bathroom teehee

After watching the video, Nishinoya turns to Tanaka and goes "Also. Im getting all the pussy tonight," and he runs out of the gym to a nearby room with all the managers flailing over each other to follow him. Tanaka lets out a humongous groan. "How come he gets all the girlsmeanwhile i have to deal with this?????"

Coach Ukai was beginning to walk into the gym with Itetsu and Yasufumi but they immediately backed out and went to the bar after seeing the commotion.

a forgotten Asahi sits in a corner of the gym having a full blown panic attack as this goes on. Ennoshits is still not the main character and cries with him. They let out cries of anguish, wishing to be main characters. But alas, this story isnt about them. It never was. so now back to the REAL story.

"Hey Kuroo, wanna get out of here? This whole thing is boring. Im not even having fun anymore and ive already got my villager locked up. Wanna do something fun?" Kenma asks, turning to Kuroo, who just stands staring blankly into space.

"Sure Kenma. Lead the way ;)" Kuroo says, snapping out of his stupor and following Kenma out of the gym.

Lev and his long legs stalk into the gym. "So... I just passed by Kenma and Kuroo. sounds like something very intersting happened??" Aone walks in behind him, silently asking the same question through his telepathic skills.

Daichi starts crying again and a now-bald Sugawara tries comforting him through his own tears. Tsukki is clearly laughing but tries to hide it behind his hands. Kageyama literally isnt registering this whole thing and suddenly forgets how to speak English. He looks confused as to why everyones distraught because again, he doesnt unerstandthe language theyre all speaking. "Why arent we playing volleyball? I thought that was the whole reason we were here???" He says, speaking German, Everyone stops crying to stare at him confused. Then they start crying again and Kageyama starts freaking out.

Tsukki starts busting out fluent German, translating the days events to Kageyama. Kageyama’s eyes go wide. suddenly, he can speak English AND Japanese again. "BOKE HINATA BOKE!! of course that dumbass pISSES HIMSELF!! man i was SO CLOSE TO FINALLY FUFILLING MY KINKY DREAM!!" He shouts, running to the bathroom.

Oikawa and Iwazumi re-enter the gym holding hands. "I want milk bread, anyone else wanna come with?" Iwazumi looks like hes had it rough but still looks happy. Tanaka suddenly remembers that one line he remembers as being Oikawas personal motto.

"HIS PERSONAL MOTTO IS IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT IT, HIT IT TILL IT BREAKS???" Tanaka SQUEALS. Iwaizumi blushes a deep red. Oikawa smirks and pulls Iwa away to get milk bread.

Kiyoko appears in the gym, sexily eyeing Tanaka. "If you want it, come n get it!" She tells him. He trails her like a puppy dog and they leave the gym

Sugawara and Daichi pass out on the floor.

"Wanna go for a run?" Lev asks the remaining conscious earthlings. Tsukki opts out and goes to the bathroom to find Tadashi and everyone else, desperate for a distraction, go for a run with Lev. Bokuto is never seen again.

THE END


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